Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Five Ways To Make A Young Mum Feel Inadequate

Baby Pacman - He was so tiny!

Playing With Mumma

Five Ways To Make A Young Mum Feel Inadequate*

- Ask her if the baby was an accident

- Tell her she is selfish when you see her buying a tin of formula**

- Upon seeing she is pregnant with a second or third (or forth or fifth) child, ask her if they in fact all have the same father

- Upon seeing she is pregnant with a second or third (or forth or fifth) child, ask if they were all accidents

- Criticise her parenting skills, give her a judgemental look or make a rude comment or question including the ones about, when in fact, you do not know her and have no idea what her parenting skills are like.

For the record, yes these are things that have all been said to me or about me, by complete strangers (in the grocery store, in the chemist, at the doctors etc etc).
No, having a child young might not be ideal but this is the life I have chosen.
I adore motherhood and take my role very seriously.
Like any other mother, of any other age, I have had to make parenting decisions and sometimes it's hard to know exactly what the right one is but at the end of the day, I have a happy and very healthy little boy - I must be doing something right.
I don't disagree that there are some young mothers out there who struggle with motherhood, but who is to say that there isn't older mothers who struggle as well?

The Mumma In Heels.Xo

*Or any mum, in fact. I only write Young Mums as some people think it's appropriate to ask or make comments like these to young mothers.

**And yes, I did choose to breastfeed Pacman until he was over six months old and then I put him on formula. I also made my own baby food and use disposable nappies. He slept most of his first year in my bed and at 12 months, I did control crying to get him into his cot. We make play dough, do finger painting, go to the park and I also let him watch tv. He is only allowed milk or water to drink and on occasion, I also let him have a piece of chocolate or a muffin at a cafe. I am young (21) and yes, both Pacman and Bubble have the same dad. This year me and Mister will celebrate our five year anniversary. I am comfortable with the decisions I have made and believe that I am a good mother.


  1. Great post, it's a reminder to all of us to be less judgemental of others in all cases :)

  2. Dont let them get to you! I had my first at 20 & this year she turns 20! I must have done something right! I never had rude comments or dirty looks though, that is so wrong! I would have loved to have someone say that when I bought a tin of formula! Lol they would have regretted it! You do what you think is best & stuff everyone else! Don't let them spoil the journey for you! My gf's daughter is in her 20's & just announced she is pregnant with no 5 she is a great Mum & all the kids belong to her hubby! People should learn to keep their mouth shut! :)

  3. I dont see why any of these things should be anyones business!! and people should just stop judging and supporting them instead.

  4. I would say ask them some inappropriate questions back! But then you would be the baddie ;) I think you're a fantasic role model. Keep up the great job you are doing xoxo

  5. People can be so weird and rude. I can't believe strangers said those things to you. :/

    Anyways, stuff them. You're happy, you have a beautiful young family and that's all that matters!

  6. You are a great mother and I am sad you have to justify your decisions to old farts. Fuck them x

  7. Unfortunately I think we all encounter stupidity like this, regardless of our age. It seems motherhood gives people an open opportunity to belittle you and judge?

    I'm 24 and while being 24 may define how I see some things in this world, it does not define how good of a Mama I am. Same goes for you at 21.

    Keep your head held high, we all should because we are doing the best we can x

  8. I saw on twitter last night your comment about looking 16/17 and having people give you looks. AK and I will be getting married within the next few years and we are both excited to start a family (probably not for 5-7 years though), but a reason I don't want to earlier is because I too look 16/17 and I'm 23 (so will be 28-30). My nieces were born in my teens so I got looks from people then, and people are still surprised when I tell them my age so I can only imagine the looks I'd get if I was pregnant.

    I am sure you are doing a great job by the way! x

  9. Great post! Will take it all on board:) haha though I'd feel sorry for those who would try to tell me such things:)

    Well my mum had my when she was 23. My partners mum 'produced' him at 20. Many of my friends had their babies before 25. So what's the problem with those ppl who criticising you?

    Don't bother even thinking about them. They must be jealous of how great you are doing!


  10. this happened to me too, Bella is going on 4 & people always ask me how old are you & when I respond they look at me & ask why? for us she was a accident but the best accident ever.

    We have also been together 5 years this year.

    But the people that judge me the most are "friends" how think its ok to say things about what we have planned or raise our daughter when they have no children themselves.

  11. If I have learnt anything over the years, that no matter what you do someone will be always there to tell you it is wrong.
    I know I've been in a shop only to have one if not all the kids chucking a tantrum. Half the people are looking at you as if to say that child needs a good belting and the other half are looking at you as if to say if you lay a hand on that child we have child services on speed dial.
    As I said last night it is only when I started to listen to common opinion that I became my unhappiest. So stuff them, and their rude and nasty looks
    because it's your life and your the only one that knows exactly what is right for you. And for what it is worth (not much really) I'm %100 on your side. XO XO

  12. People can be so nosey and inappropriate...great post...

  13. Umm wow! People have said those things to you!? I can't believe how incredibly rude some people can be! Ugh >_< Maybe they are jealous? I know everytime I see a young I think it's so cool because you'll still be young, fit and chic when your kids are older :)

  14. I was/am a young mum too. I had my son at 21 and my daughter at 23, I am now 27 and I have had all of those things said to me by people of all ages over the years.

    It can be very disheartening but you just have to know in your own mind that you are doing the best you can for your child.

  15. That's shocking! People just can't control their tongues. My poor cousin used to get abused at the shopping centre at age 15 for pushing around a pram. They assumed the baby was her's, but it was her sister.

  16. Upon becoming pregnant with my fourth child I was APPALLED at the reaction I received.
    "Are you mad!" (Receptionist at Dr's office.)
    "What were you thinking" (Co-worker at photocopier)
    "Oh no!"(random stranger in the street)

    At the end of the say, people are pricks. It's just a matter of filtering what you take to heart. I've learnt that being a mother means you have to develop thick skin - because everyone seems to have an opinion.
    I'm sure you are a wonderful mother x

  17. I cannot imagine how anyone could let the words "Are they both from the same father?" come out of their mouths!! I could barely believe my eyes when I read that. I don't know why people can't just live and let live, but there are so many judgemental people out there :( I hope you have found a way to let their comments not get to you, but I imagine it must be hard.

  18. I hear you! I had my daughter at 23 but could pass for 19. I was (and still am) constantly questioned by strangers in the supermarket about my age, relationship status and parenting skills. I've banged on about this on my blog a bit too- young mums unite! Xx


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